What’s Happening Here

I’m Mark Halvorson, founder and creator of the 21C Man Handbook. (21C is short for 21st Century).

On behalf of myself and our incredible crew of brothers who’ve directly contributed to this remarkable work, WELCOME.

This is the handbook that would have followed the Boy Scout Handbook, for adult men, but was never created. We figured out why that was, solved those problems, and here we are.

Simply put, this handbook is made by men to elevate the lives of all men planet-wide so we can thrive in the 21st century, be free of all the intense confusion coming from every direction, far more relaxed, and able to move forward so much faster and more freely. You’ll experience this immediately after randomly poking around here.

(We also hope someday there will be a 21st Century Woman handbook, but us men should not and will not have a hand in creating it. All men would greatly benefit from that!)

Of course, men are not born knowing all they need to know. Without education + community then confusion is allowed to run rampant, and we can plainly see the consequences of that all around us. We haven’t been taught so many things because of fear. Yeah, men (dads) being afraid. Hmmmm.

Like Swiss cheese, we all have holes and gaps in our knowledge in different places. Our brains also have wrong information and ideas in them because us men purposely confuse each other for various reasons. All of that gets corrected here so we can be the best version of ourselves, continuously improving, and good things come our way as a result.

Please note that what you are seeing here is a glimpse of what is being prepared for release in 2023. Enjoy what is here now in the meantime.

This site is formatted for a mobile device so you can take this all in privately. Turn your phone sideways (landscape) for easier reading. It’s also great on a table or computer.

Here’s Why You’ve Never Seen Anything Like This Before!

Our claim that “You’ve never seen anything like this before” is because of our 21st Century approach..

You don’t want to miss reading this section. It will explain so much so quickly and easily. (And please leave your conventional thinking at the door.)

You are not broken, and you are not here to be fixed. And this is a no-shame zone, although sometimes we might mention that someone is being a weenie.

We don’t tell you what to think, we show you how to see it for yourself.

We only deal with reality – it’s harder, but yields rock solid results, and is way easier with your brothers at your side. Think of this as a NASA-style approach where we can’t make shit up, and we must be aware of all the things that can bite us in the ass related to our lives as men.

The Handbook’s contents are free of charge forever. It’s always available in your pocket planet-wide. This is a non-profit organization that only accepts funding that will not exert any influence on the content.

We press the reset button and start fresh. We ditch all things that don’t serve us well. But we stand on the shoulders of timeless wisdom and the hard-won effort that came before this.

The ClearThinkingCampaign.org website oversees the handbook. The design of the entire handbook rigorously adheres to the critical thinking skills that underpin science, democracy, the rule of law, technology, etc, and goes back 2500 years. Integrity is paramount. The ClearThinkingCampaign.org website was created by us as is a brother site to this one.

We use updated language. You’ll immediately recognize the new ways of referring to things without us having to explain them first. We avoid using words and terms that create confusion. This is huge and can’t be understated.

For example, when we talk about sex we don’t use terms like straight, gay, bi, lesbian, transgender, masculine, feminine, homo-erotic, heterosexual, homosexual, queer, etc. There are superior ways to refer to these things, and we get to leave behind the confusion these words and expressions cause because they are nothing more than crude and narrow spotlights on a vast landscape of variety. These labels mean well, but are also heavily used as attack vectors and defensive maneuvers as we all know well. The wonderful result this has is like camping in the mountains and it’s so peaceful and serene. We can stop the madness. In the end, it’s all very simple and sex is simply fun with body parts.

The handbook is presented so it’s a completely private experience for you on your personal devices. We learned from hard experience that this handbook could not have existed before 2010 (before the smartphone). It turns out that because of the nature of things we talk about in the handbook, it’s best for guys to interact with all this stuff in private and not in front of their buddies, girlfriend, wife and definitely not their mom. We don’t mince words and we do not pander to the least common denominator. We speak as guys would speak when we’re hanging out together.

This is all massively powerful and effective because it rides on the formidable BROTHERHOOD instinct in men. Whatever it is, we can’t do it alone. The idea of being a “self-reliant man” is bullshit. We are doing all this together as brothers looking after each other as we do in the military and in sports.

We’ll help you quickly get de-shamed, de-FoG’d and significantly less confused. This is why the Confusion section is first. We’ll explain what the “FoG” is later. It’s one of the major things that screws up men’s lives and is a big part of the high divorce rate. The solution is so simple it will likely make you laugh. But until now, no one had the balls to deal with it properly. We have big balls here. This handbook models for men what it looks like to have guts and be brave.

In this handbook, a “man” is defined to be any human whose gender identity is clearly and predominantly male. (See “The Hand Thing” under the Sex section).

The handbook is for all men, from the day he can get a girl pregnant up to the day he takes his last breath. It’s helpful to you as you grow and evolve, and if you’re more settled it helps you help the men around you.

You can be a contributor to all this. Yeah, you. We need you. Your brothers need you.

The experience with the handbook is like going to the gym where personal trainers are always available for free. When we start going to a gym, they meet us where we are and pull us forward from there. It takes time. There are many body parts. We have to be patient. And anyone who tries to motivate us by first making us feel deficient or lacking is to be avoided. (e.g. Andrew Ferebee and so many others.) There’s no need for that.

Notice how good it feels to be looked after by your brothers who created this handbook and continually expand it and improve it (and is now your handbook). And it also feels great when you get the opportunity to look after YOUR brothers in your life.

Our motto sums it all up…

Men helping men get fit in all areas of a man’s life so the best in life shows up for us as a result.

The 21st Century Man Handbook

You’re looking at a map of a man’s life. None of us have ever seen a map of a man’s life before, but there IS a map, drawing or schematic of absolutely everything else in our world, including the chair you’re sitting on, the clothes you’re wearing, your entire body and the electronic device you’re reading this on.

It turns out that a map of a man’s life has been a glaring omission and is one big reason why it has been so hard for us to improve our lives. How could we have missed something so obvious? Without it, the facets of our lives are just a pile of stuff, an unstructured blob, disorganized, with giant pieces missing, out of sequence, and very confusing as a result.

When we go to the gym, we know our muscle groups because we can see and touch them. They’re physical. But what are the other areas of our lives that we can’t see with our eyes that deserve just as much exercise and development?

So this is a complete map, and everything related to a man’s life lands somewhere on this map. All of the existing knowledge and amazing resources out there gets curated and attached to this superstructure. And we also fill in the gaps and provide perspective.

I carry my map with me. Guys are always intrigued and explanations are easy.

Now that there’s structure, you’ll see how everything just got vastly easier to get a grip on. It’s like putting mud tires on a Jeep. Traction!

These 12 areas are arranged in four groups.

The RED bar represents the things that hold a man back, keep a man down, and separated from other men.

The YELLOW bars represent the component parts of a man’s life, like a 6-cylinder engine. And just like in a car they all need to be in good working order or it will be a rough ride. All these parts work in concert, not independently.

The BLUE bars represent the four major kinds of relationships a man has with other human beings. If we continue with the car metaphor, you can think of this section as the four tires because this is kinda where the rubber meets the road.

The GREEN bar at his feet represents how a man moves forward through his life.

And the holographic man in the middle represents and includes ALL men unlike so many other resources for men.


The 12 Areas of a Man’s Life

Tap to expand and collapse these sections. They’re all in the process of being fully completed by the end of 2022. Even so, they’re packed with stuff that you’ll immediately benefit from!


 Expand/collapse this section

Here’s the story of a ball of confusion all us guys experience and how we can start to dissolve it immediately. Treat yourself and take a few minutes to read this section completely.

Confusion is a man’s worst enemy. By far.

Confusion has been used for millennia to subjugate people. An unscrupulous person first confuses the hell out of a group and makes them vulnerable. Then the confuser steps in and uses everyone’s heightened emotions to align the group behind him to “lead them out of the darkness” with him in power. It’s happening all around us right now.

This Ball of Confusion will untangle itself just by learning about the kinds of confusion and how they work.

But confusion is more commonly used to throw individual people off-balance, weaken them, separate them out, and disable them in a wide variety of ways.

All of us men also suffer from confusion surrounding what it is to be a man. Ask a thousand men and get a thousand different answers.

In this work we MUST clear the confusion first, otherwise everything that follows will be confused.

So let’s clear some confusion starting with something we’re all very familiar with…

The Manhood Confusion Attack

There’s a nasty “social virus” that virtually all of us guys have been infected with called the Manhood Confusion Attack.  It was passed along to you starting on the elementary school playground, and you’ve likely passed it along to others.

It happens when we call each other’s manhood into question to set the pecking order, saying things like “you fag, homo, wuss, sissy, that’s so gay, you throw like a girl, dude – why are you so gay on math?” and a whole lot worse.

Men who attack are simply undereducated.

It successfully puts the idea in our young impressionable heads that anything associated with “gay” is the most sick, disgusting, horrible thing that could touch our life. We hear religions tell us we’ll go to hell, and we hear about people being killed and beat up because of it.

The result is that it causes us to clam up and be afraid that we might say or do something that can be perceived as weak, feminine or gay. It’s firmly planted in our heads before we even understand what sex is.

Over time the Manhood Confusion Attack renders most men hesitant, more boring, less creative, and unwilling to talk about certain things that matter, and if they do say something it’s just a couple of words. And it’s selective because we can talk for hours about lots of other things. The list of negative impacts like this just goes on and on.

Well, trying to set the pecking order by accusing each other of being weak has backfired on all men. Splat! We’re all covered in it now. And us men are the confusers! The call is coming from inside the house.

And we learn to live within this constant cloudy FOG (Fear Of Gay) that’s always there. Even if we’ve gotten past the gay thing we’re still surrounded by it. It’s like we’re non-smokers who must work all day in a smoky Las Vegas casino. We still find ourselves pandering to others around us and being careful what we say and do.

The Manhood Confusion Attack is at the root of way too many of the challenges we have in life. And because we get used to it and don’t really notice most of it, it’s a silent killer, like air pollution.

A Healthy Same-sex Awareness

The Manhood Confusion Attack works really well because it preys on the lack of a complete sex education which would teach us that all men (and women) benefit from having a healthy and strong “same-sex awareness.” It’s essential to our survival, competitiveness and happiness.

After we hit puberty, we come to know every detail of our own bodies, and we have sex with ourselves A LOT. We compare ourselves to other guys constantly to know the competition. We compete with each other with big muscles, beards, hairy chests, great shirts, nice butts, etc.

And we wouldn’t be able to do it without that awareness of our own sex. That ripped man jogging down a busy street shirtless and sweating has an excellent same-sex awareness. He knows exactly what’s he’s doing and the affect he’s having on both men and women.

When we work hard on our bodies we’ll take selfies in the bathroom mirror and even share them. Us guys also know what a nice dick looks like and often have no problem sharing dick pics with women.

But if we can’t distinguish the difference between same-sex awareness and same-sex sex with another guy, we’re easily confused and weakened by the Manhood Confusion Attack. This confusion can disable a man in so many ways, especially when it comes to being successful with women. (That was theoretically the original intent – when a guy is disabled with women there are more women available to those who aren’t.)

This confusion and inability to distinguish the two is similar to the way young boys and girls can’t distinguish the difference between love and sex at first. (And adults still have trouble distinguishing the difference between infatuation and love.)

Thor in civies trying to blend in.

Us guys react and respond to other men constantly. For example, imagine you’re at a bar with your girl and Thor walks in shirtless, you’d be pissed off and want him to leave immediately when you see your girl staring at him.

But if you were at the bar alone or with your buddies you’d want to hang with Thor and be in his inner circle.

And when we see another guy’s big dick at the gym we’ll naturally react to it because we spend so much time with our own dicks and they’re a big part of our lives. We never notice another guy’s forearms.

So if we’re someone who can’t distinguish between same-sex awareness and same-sex sex with another guy we might start to wonder if responding to Thor and reacting to big dicks at the gym suggests we might be gay.


Coaches are important in the lives of both boys and men. Photo: CampStarlight.com.


Nate is one of my students who has completed the 21C Man | Life Fitness Training we’re developing. He told me once that in baseball camp when he was 11 or 12 years old his coach came to talk to him and he noticed how super handsome his coach was. Suddenly he became scared that he might be gay. He somehow knew that it was a “forbidden thought” as he called it. Of course, neither he or is coach had sex on their mind. That moment bothered him for a long time and the FOG (Fear Of Gay) followed him after that.

Poor Nate was just a little innocent kid and already he had these wrong and negative ideas put in his head by the other boys and the world around him before he even had any idea of what sex really was. All he knew for sure was that there would be harsh consequences for noticing anything about other guys, much less say anything out loud.

Nate is now in his late 20’s and dating. He’s been set free with this 21C Man training and has more women in his life than he can handle. He’s no longer confused in general or affected by the FOG in particular. He doesn’t hesitate, he’s definitely not boring, and can talk freely about anything.

He’ll always have issues that he’s working on like all the rest of us, but he’s alive, fun, growing and is someone everyone wants to hang out with, men and women alike. Just two years ago he was timid and had severe social anxiety.

Now he’s a man set free from confusion because he was curious and inquisitive and determined to sort this all out, and he bumped into me and this program which filled in important missing areas in his education and development as a man.

Please keep reading…

Brotherly Love

One of the worst effects of the Manhood Confusion Attack is that it pushes us guys away from each other in subtle and extremely damaging ways. Our interactions get superficial and all we talk about is sports and bitch about our wives or girlfriends, for instance.

Men who return from Iraq and Afghanistan can see and feel this separation immediately and it’s a hard thing for them to handle. When military men are in life or death situations society’s stupid social norms get left behind. Tight brotherhoods between soldiers form, and looking after the lives of the men and women around them is something they do 24/7.

But when soldiers return home, the distance between civilian men and the way they treat each other, and the way the government they fought for acts, literally takes their breath away. What the hell!

Trying to reintegrate into civilian life is challenging for all soldiers and not having access to the brothers they need to help them through it can actually be life-threatening. We all need daily connections with our buddies.

This separation between men in our world now is largely responsible for all the bad things men do because they miss out on the essential stabilizing force that our chosen brothers have in our lives. Note that gangs, corporations, political factions, etc. can be collections of men who are still very “separated” from each other. “Each man for himself” is destructive.

It’s especially important for us to have strong lifelong male relationships when we get into relationships with women! (The same is true for women and their “sisters.”) When a man only has a woman in his life and that’s it, that can get very confusing!

And when us men deeply love our brothers and would die for them, THAT could be confusing unless we’re educated to know that multiple deep, loving, lifelong, non-sexual relationships with other men is a really important thing to have in our lives.

Think about this… us guys can have as many relationships with men as we want and our buddies don’t get jealous of each other! Nice!

And we’re bonded for a lifetime. Our faces light up when our buddy shows up. And if we haven’t seen each other in a while it’s like picking up right where we left off. Our best buds know all our secrets, we’ve been through a lot together, they understand us, help us get back up when we fall, and push us to try again.

Of course, we’re “male-flavored human beings” and each man is born with that flavor level set anywhere from light to intense (and in varying degrees in multiple areas, like a watercolor painting). And for us guys, that male flavoring includes the instinct to team up in pairs, groups, tribes and nations. Men are made to be together, bonded.

Us guys do well when we have male friends and lifetime brotherhoods. Unfortunately the Manhood Confusion Attack has succeeded in trashing the healthy connection between men that we need to thrive, in addition to trashing the reputation of men in general.


Being in a war zone puts everything in perspective and clarifies what matters and what doesn’t. Looking at military life helps us civilians see ours more clearly.

Adam is a buddy of mine who’s a Navy SEAL. We ran into each other a couple years ago and when he discovered what I was doing with the 21C Man Handbook he came at me full force and wanted to know everything I knew. He was in SEAL training at the time and has always been first in his class throughout his life. Knowing all he can about himself and other men gives him a huge advantage. He has also been through the entire 21C Man | Life Fitness Training.

In one of our first conversations I told him about the Manhood Confusion Attack. He immediately told me that all the other super competitive guys in training constantly called each other fags, homos, pussies, cocksuckers, etc. trying to throw each other off any way they can.

The next time we met he said that after learning about that, he felt a whole foot taller than the rest of the guys, watching them all bark at each other like a bunch of chihuahuas. He was able to just rise above it all. He was now totally unaffected and just watched it happen all around him, shaking is head.

Now, when someone tries to put him down he only “hears” what they’re saying about themselves, that they’re feeling insecure or confused. Maybe Adam doesn’t want to have an insecure or confused man on his team that his life may depend on.

But Adam also loved getting confirmation that it’s more than okay to deeply love his brothers, put their lives before his, and look forward to happily spending all day with these men pushing each other and himself to be the best.

Adam’s face lights up whenever he sees his best friend. They’ve been through thick and thin together. His best bud later got transferred to another city and they still talk on the phone every day. They visit each other every chance they get. They’re both dating women at this time and as you can imagine, Navy SEALs have no problems accessing all the women they want. Adam and his best friend help each other sort out what kind of woman they each want to settle down and have kids with, and talk about everything else and sort it out together.

So if a guy isn’t educated about how important loving non-sexual relationships between men are, the Manhood Confusion Attack can trick him into thinking he might be gay if he really loves his buddy or buddies. He’s then confused, weakened, sidelined.

The Confusing World We Live In

In America, when a boy is born he’s automatically enrolled and opted-in to a program in which:

By the age of 35 a man will have found a beautiful woman who is his best friend and soul mate, the only one in the world, and he will marry her in front of family and friends and express his eternal love for her, and following the ceremony there will be a 50/50 chance they will get divorced and he will lose half of his wealth immediately and more into the future, share access to any children, and verbally denigrate his ex-wife into perpetuity.  [Option 1: Stay married and be miserable.]

            Accept Terms and Conditions

What a great program!

By the way, the checkbox above actually works.

Men who figure out that they’re, in fact, actually gay will eventually uncheck that box themselves, but straight men rarely will if they have no desire to get married.

This requirement to get married is a giant source of confusion and pain on so many levels, with pressure coming at men from their buddies, religious beliefs, the family, co-workers, women’s biological clocks, and the potential lifelong stigma of being an unmarried man. Did I forget anything?

Thus, for many men “It’s better to have been married, divorced, and lose half of your wealth than to never have been married at all.”

And often unmarried straight men will either be marginalized (included less) or they will self-marginalize. Divorced men are given a pass, and they’re sure to mention they’re divorced right away when meeting certain people. Or you’ve got a girlfriend to bring to social gatherings.

Of course, dating and marriage can work out really well and be amazing, but probably not most of the time.

And that’s one of the big intentions of the 21C Man Handbook – to give us guys everything we need to optimize and improve our outcomes, and there are ALWAYS ways to take what we already have and make it so much better. It doesn’t matter how old we are, or what our life’s circumstances are.

Okay! You just learned about three major kinds of confusion that affect men – the Manhood Confusion Attack, brotherly love, and social conditioning.

That Ball of Confusion is already untangling for you isn’t it?

The Solution To Confusion

      • Relax.
      • Become curious and inquisitive, and determined to learn all you can.
      • Work on your brotherhoods and sort out the world together.

Collapse this section


 Expand/collapse this section

It used to be that brawn is what separated the men from the boys, physical prowess, strength, athleticism.

Here in the 21st century it’s our brains instead of brawn.  But “brains” is not the right word. The vast majority of men have more than enough smarts to use our heads to sort things out and get past the intentional confusion.

Our head is our 21st century sword and shield. In this area we demonstrate simple yet powerful techniques that we can use to deal with the confusion and complexity.

Most of us are already using some of them, and we fill in the gaps with some powerful new ones. Then we get to practice consistency in who we are being.

What we are talking about here are critical thinking skills; the stuff that Socrates, Plato and Aristotle brought us 2500 years ago that’s still stuck in academia.

We are bringing these tools “the last mile” into the popular culture in a way that doesn’t feel like we’re going to school.

Collapse this section


 Expand/collapse this section

The Heart area refers to a lot of things – emotion, shame, vulnerability, empathy, courage, love, and more. We explore the machinery of the heart.

This section is where men come to learn about courage and bravery.

We make sure we have a clear understanding of what shame is and distinguish the many forms of shame a man experiences, and that empathy is the antidote to shame.  

We talk about courage and how we must pass through vulnerability in order to access courage.  

For example, I’m scared shitless as I put myself out there and do the hard work of helping all men on a massive scale. This requires me to put myself on the line. However after decades of discovering and living the life of a 21st century man, I’ve learned how to be comfortable with being scared shitless, and it doesn’t throw me off balance anymore.

Hearing With Both Ears technique.

In this work you’ll learn the technique of Hearing With Both Ears. For example, with one ear I hear you saying something to me – and it’s not so nice. And with my other ear I hear you saying something about yourself to me – that you’re insecure about something. Or perhaps that your firmly-held beliefs are being challenged.

With this technique we don’t have a chance to take anything personally because our attention is focused on what’s going on with the other person, having empathy for them, and seeing if we can help them out.

Sometimes if we just change how we look at things, bravery and courage are not required.

Empathy is important because it puts things in a better perspective. It does not let people off the hook, but it keeps us on the side of helping someone rather than battling with them.

Collapse this section


 Expand/collapse this section

Men are many things, and we are definitely highly charged sexual creatures.  

In this area we cover how men are made, how the sexual landscape gets created, and many more super important things to know that have been known for decades but didn’t get taught to us because people are uptight, inhibited, and pander to those who try to control us.

In this area you will get a complete sex education. There is not one single person who has been through this work’s complete sex education who did not learn a ton of things they did not know. And at the same time this education caused them to become seriously relaxed, confident, and powerful.

Graham Crackers

You’ll quickly discover that we have no inhibitions whatsoever in this work. We won’t repeat that same stupid mistake of being unwilling to talk about something truthfully and directly because someone might get offended.

By the way, did you know that graham crackers were developed in the mid 1800s as a result of Sylvester Graham’s crusade to combat the big problem of his time (excessive masturbation) with a diet of bland foods using Graham’s special flour?  Pretty funny. You’ll never look at graham crackers the same way again. Masturbation is an essential part of a man’s health and this work could care less if someone out there might be offended by the conversation.

Here’s an example of one thing you’ll learn in our COMPLETE SEX EDUCATION…

All us guys know we’re made to think about sex all the time. When you hear the story of HOW men’s sexuality is shaped during two different phases of our development you’ll clearly see why.

Look at the orange (female) and blue (male) lines in the graphic below. In the womb we default to being female, but if there’s a Y chromosome then a huge spike of testosterone is released (almost equal to that at puberty) and huge changes occur. What would be a clitoris becomes a penis, what would be the ovaries become testicles, the base sexual orientation is changed from being drawn to men to being drawn to women, along with many other things.

After puberty, women’s hormones go nuts once a month, and men’s hormones are always going nuts.

Our sexuality is shaped almost exclusively by hormones and not genes because there’s timing and sequences involved. For example, we humans must wait until we’re around 12-14 years old before it’s possible to have babies.

Our genetic system is incredibly reliable and 99.9% accurate but our hormonal system is only about 80-90% reliable and this is what helps create the sexual landscape we see around us with dozens of variations and combinations of our sexual orientation, our genitalia, gender identity, masculine/feminine traits, etc.

We have basically five independent sexual characteristics that are set in stone by about age 7 and each one can be independently gender bent during prenatal development because of the variability of the “hormonal weather patterns” (so to speak) in the womb as we develop.

We also know, for example, that some mothers can become more resistant to testosterone and each successive male child can be 20% more likely to be born same-sex oriented.

As a result of the hormonal variability during development, we can find every combination of these five traits in the people around us – our sexual orientation, genitalia, gender identity, appearance, and our animations (how we move and speak).

The Hand Thing

You can use the five fingers on your hand to describe yourself, those around you and celebrities by bending your fingers accordingly from what’s typical when all finger are out and unbent as in the hand photo shown here.

The “Hand Thing” helps us understand sexuality.

For example, Zachary Quinto would have just the thumb bent in (he’s same-sex oriented), Tim Gunn would have the thumb and pinky finger bent (same-sex orientation and feminine animations – how he moves and speaks). RuPaul would have the thumb, ring finger and pinky bent (same-sex orientation, feminine appearance, feminine animations), Chaz Bono (Sonny and Cher’s son) would have only the index finger bent (he’s a male born with a vagina raised in error as a female), and Nicole Maines is a male born with the gender identity of a female (middle finger bent in).

Because Nicole Maines was born male, she was given a medication that halts testosterone from turning on when she hit puberty and was spared the secondary masculinization effects that would have given her an Adam’s apple, deep voice, chest and facial hair, and bigger muscles that her identical twin brother Jonas DID get when he hit puberty. Yes, her identical twin brother! She was given estrogen instead and she got her hips and breasts and is now an actress. Check out how she looks now here.

What’s extra revealing in her case is that her DNA has been verified to be identical to her twin brother’s DNA. But while these identical twin boys were developing in the womb, aspects of their hormonal development was different between them and her gender identity got set to female. Gender Identity is what sex you identify with (do you feel you are a man, a woman, or in some cases a mix of both (referred to as “gender fluid”). Super interesting!

So, the technique of using the five fingers on your hand to make the sexual landscape easy to understand is something I developed about 10 years ago and I call it the “Hand Thing.” I haven’t yet come up with a better name (maybe you can). When we learn the Hand Thing everything suddenly makes sense! Please teach it to your friends and kids!

The landscape of male sexuality is largely invisible and is far more varied than we think.

And yes, the thumb bent halfway represents bisexuals. All the fingers can be bent continuously from one gender to the other. What other combinations can you come up with? I only described a few above.

There’s one multi-finger combination we see often, the effeminate gay guy, which is the thumb (sexual orientation), the pinky (effeminate animations) and sometimes effeminate physical features (ring finger). We see it because the second and third traits are visible. It turns out that the majority of gay and bisexual men are invisible because just the thumb is bent and you would not know they’re attracted to the same sex unless they told you.

Note also that the Hand Thing only describes the “nature” side of our sexual development and we haven’t touched on the “nurture” side. The nurture side is unique to humans and is an additional part of our sexuality that’s shaped in the brain and affected by the world we grow up in. That adds another big variable to the landscape of human sexuality but it’s always layered on top of the fundamental sexual characteristics we’re born with.

The Hand Thing is an analogy and teaching tool that gets us most of the way toward understanding the landscape of human sexuality. Most people have an “Oh wow!” reaction when they learn it and I hope you do too. Now it all makes sense.

If you want to see two samples of the science behind all this then tap here and watch the video about the “Sex Hormones” graphic above, and also tap here and take just a few seconds to enlarge the graphic on that page to see the crazy complexity of the genetic/hormonal environment that shapes our sexuality.

But what I really started to point out here is what happens when puberty hits.

Note in the “Sex Hormones” graphic above that after puberty, while women’s hormones go crazy once a month, men’s hormones turn on full blast and stay on full blast for the majority of their lives.

This is one major cause of why Mr. Graham thought us boys needed graham crackers!

This is just a glimpse of what you’ll learn when you get a COMPLETE SEX EDUCATION from this work. There’s so much more you haven’t heard yet that’s essential for us to know so we aren’t forever stuck in confusion and fear.

Collapse this section


 Expand/collapse this section

How we communicate with other people is everything.  We get into how our world is created by the words we use, what integrity and our “word” means, and “speaking into someone else’s listening.”  

In this work we sometimes create new or different ways of referring to things because existing words and expressions can carry some bad and misleading baggage with them.  For example, we won’t be using the word “diversity” and instead we’ll use the word “landscape.”  Diversity has the unfortunate implication of a diversion from a norm, and when we apply our 21st century clear thinking skills we discover there are no norms.

There’s only the landscape of men, the landscape of sexuality, the landscape of behavior, the landscape of male-female interactions.

Also, have you ever thought about how we communicate on multiple separate channels simultaneously when we talk to anyone? What are those “lines of communication?” Emotional, intellectual, sexual and behavioral are a few.  See if you can name just one more.

Collapse this section


 Expand/collapse this section

We all know from personal experience that when we eat well and exercise everything fall into place automatically. 

We all know from personal experience that when we eat well and exercise everything fall into place automatically. 

When we are feeling good our self-esteem shoots up, we feel more confident, we have a better body image, and as a result people respond to us more.

This is a really well understood area. It’s largely because we can all see our bodies. It’s here on the Map of a Man’s Life because it’s an essential part of it.

But we want you to understand that all the other areas that are NOT visible need as much attention, exercise and development as our bodies do.

The other 11 areas you cannot see are why you are here.

Collapse this section


 Expand/collapse this section

In this area there is a part called “Piggyback Riders” that just might be one of the things you’ll never forget and will totally change your life. Pretty big claim. Hmmmm.

It’s an example of all the surprising stuff you’ll find in this entire work that you had no idea was out there.  Looking at ourselves as piggyback riders could end sexism, racism, ageism, and a lot of other -isms. ( I know I’m being too brief and vague here but this content is coming soon.)

If you are of a particular faith – Christian, Muslim, Jewish, etc – then that’s truly awesome. There is nothing here that’s incompatible with any faith that you are a part of because it’s based firmly in objective reality.

At the very least we make the strong case that we must get out into nature as much as possible. Go camping, surfing, traveling, hiking in high nature.

Have you heard of “forest bathing?” It’s the ultimate reminder of where we are:

This universe / Virgo Super-Cluster / Virgo Cluster / Local Group / Milky Way Galaxy / Orion Arm / Solar System / Earth.

Being in high nature on this extraordinary planet has a profound effect on our bodies and our lives. Most people say it connects us with God, the universe, or whatever you wish to call it.

Collapse this section


 Expand/collapse this section

Brotherhood in men is similar to sisterhood in women, but far more intense in men, and an essential stabilizing force in a man’s life. There’s a strong instinct in us guys to band together in pairs, groups, tribes, and nations.

Brotherhood is something that’s really well understood, and it’s front and center in the military, in fraternities, and many other male-only organizations. It’s unfortunate that societal and religious forces have weakened brotherhood in the Boy Scouts.

Here in the 21st century men have become so much more disconnected from each other and pushed apart, and it’s mostly due to the Manhood Confusion Attack described above.

Having at least one best friend is so important and I see far too many men who don’t have one at all. Brotherhoods are described as “deep non-sexual relationships between men,” and on the Map of a Man’s Life they are on the same level as relationships with a significant other (which typically includes sex, more time, more money, and kids.)

When a man (or woman) is on their deathbed thinking back on all the people they’ve loved in their life, typically most of those people will be of the same sex. We understand members of the same sex much more easily and the relationships are easier too.

We can have many deep loving relationships with guys, they don’t get jealous of each other, they’re not volatile, and they last a lifetime.

Men used to be far more connected with each other, but now everything is much more “each man for himself.” Unfortunately, conversations about relationships between men can “sound gay” when talked about in public, and that’s because of the backfire effect from the Manhood Confusion Attack. (See the Confusion section above).

This work helps us get over that and be determined to put amazing men into orbit around ourselves who will contribute to our lives in a big way and have effect similar to the way that eating well and exercising does to our bodies – where everything falls nicely into place.

I spent some time studying what men were like in the past before men poisoned their connection with each other (The Manhood Confusion Attack seems to have really ramped up in the 60’s).

Then one day I realized that we can right now see exactly what men are like if they didn’t have the social bullshit pushing them apart – just go to any bar on any night where guys are super drunk together and there it is. Brotherhood without walls.

I had been working on this 21st Century Man project for a few years when this segment came on 60 Minutes in March 2016 and after it was over I just put my face in my hands and cried. This was the ultimate social proof that this focus on men and brotherhood is spot on.

I want to ask you to watch this short 60 Minutes piece right now. It’s about a place in Newark New Jersey that’s creating 21st century men 500 at a time, and in the context of brotherhood. (It may play in another page or window so please hit the back arrow or close that window or tab and you’ll return here to continue on if it doesn’t automatically.)

Tap/click on this photo to play this incredible 60 Minutes segment (full-screen it too)…

I first saw this video in 2016 and when it was over I put my face in my hands and cried. You’ll see.

There are other efforts out there that educate men in the context of women, in the context of religion, in the context of our tribal roots, and in the context of work and financial success. Each one excludes a giant population of men.

It seemed to me that we should ditch any context at all. But when I tried that it didn’t work out. But when we look at our lives in the context of brotherhood, wow, everything falls together beautifully. And the entire landscape of men is included.

Collapse this section

Significant Other

 Expand/collapse this section

Our Significant Other is the single person we share sex, the most time, the most money, and kids with. Usually it’s with a woman, and sometimes it’s with a man. We try to clear a lot of the confusion that surrounds these kinds of relationships. 

There is no dating advice in this work but we do point to the 15 trillion resources that already exist.  

HOWEVER, we believe strongly that the best dating advice is to be the most put-together man you can possibly be, from the inside out, and the best of women (and men) will magically show up in your life as a result. It’s ancient wisdom.

This has been told to men for millennia, but most men have never had access to a work like this that shows them what goes into being an awesome man.  This is why the map of a man’s life is so essential.

Collapse this section


 Expand/collapse this section

Being a dad is one of the most remarkable experiences a man can have.  Of course, we are not born knowing how to be a great dad.

Fatherhood must be learned.

Here we look into the care we must take when we have the role of being a father to the kids who will be hugely affected by us dads.  

While our own dad may or may not have been there for us, we WILL make the commitment to be a great dad to our daughters and sons, even if they’re already full grown.

We hook you up with the ton of fantastic resources out there so you can stand on the shoulders of all that hard-won wisdom and experience and give your kids a great shot at being 21st Century Men and 21st Century Women.

Collapse this section


 Expand/collapse this section

We cover your family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, fellow citizens, and the chosen tribes you belong to. This area is predominantly where the experience of “thriving” shows up.

A brotherhood brother and significant other are people who stand out from this crowd in significant ways, but there is no less-than / greater-than implied in any of our relationships with other humans.

Collapse this section

Path Forward

 Expand/collapse this section

In this area we get into how we move through life. For one thing, the fun stuff only happens outside our comfort zone.

For many if not most of us, we also have to take the time to heal from loss, heartbreak, trauma, etc. We do that with the help of others, and over a long period of time.

Everywhere in our lives we must always employ the Buddy System. We can’t succeed alone.

And if there is one thing this entire work wants to burn into every man’s head it’s that no matter what it is, we cannot do it alone. The minute we decide we are going to do something alone we set ourselves up for failure. This too is ancient wisdom. You will have this pounded into your head repeatedly, and challenged to see if you can make the case that there is anything big you can accomplish alone successfully. Can you think of anything?

Also, we have to make sure we are constantly having fun and having adventures!

Collapse this section


The 21C Man Described

The Holographic Man

 Expand/collapse this section

The Holographic Man represents all men. The commonly held idea of “what a man is” is a bunch of useless bullshit. Here we get a clearer picture of the landscape of men.

Again, we use the word “landscape” in place of the word “diversity” because diversity kind of implies that there is some standard or norm we are diverging from. 

It’s far better to be looking at the landscape of men, sexuality, personality, masculinity, you name it, and then see your own first-class position in that landscape. Boom!

In this work, there are no second class men. There is no norm we compare men to. We take that stupid idea of what a “manly man” is, whatever that is, and dump it overboard and watch it sink to the bottom of the sea, giving it the finger at it as it goes down.

There are over 60 independent characteristics of a male-flavored human being. That comes out to 1 quintillion combinations, meaning that no two men are alike, or have ever lived.

This is why the man in the middle of the colored bars is a hologram. Any real image or even a silhouette would perpetuate the incorrect idea that there is an ideal man. That guy flat-out doesn’t exist.

You are the ideal man. And this work ONLY helps you see things for yourself, and helps you be the best version of who you are.

Collapse this section

This Website Is About To Be Redone

Now in 2023 we have formed a team of amazing men who are bringing a much more complete form of the 21st Century Man Handbook to the web this year.

We’ll be launching our YouTube channel in 2023 as well.

Just click/tap the email link below and make a connection with me. Your email address and your communications are confidential, not stored on this website, will never be sold or shared. We are a non-profit organization.

Please say hi, give feedback, offer updates, tell us about benefical resources you know of, and share a story. Thanks!



© 2023 Mark Halvorson. All Rights Reserved.